...the valley of the shadow of death....

I can recall certain times in my youth when I was literally in danger of losing my life. Besides all the times I could have overdosed on too many drugs at once, I have certainly been in some times where I didn't think I would necessarily come out of these situations okay, or sometimes even alive. I can't quite say whether it was just poor judgement on my part at the time, or that I was intentionally trying to be contrary and shocking. It was more than likely a combination of both. At this point in my life, I just needed people to see me. It was like I was screaming, "I AM HERE!". I needed for someone to recognize that I was not just a drug buddy, a warm body for the night, or a ride to the next party spot. I was a young girl inside, hurting and vulnerable. I was a flower with nowhere to bloom. All the wrong choices I had made in life led me to all the wrong places in life. In this post,are some of the examples of where I actually found myself. One night, in a particularly dangerous part of Memphis, I was driving to a friend's house around midnight. If you ask me why so late, my best guess is I needed a place to sleep. I stopped at a convenient store to use the payphone. As I got out of my car, I left it running. A van was parked between my car and the payphone. I used the phone to call my friend, and as I was headed around that van, I was stopped by a group of older guys who wanted to talk. Being who I was then, I spent some time in conversation with them, realized their intentions were not good, and excused myself. I proceeded around the van to my car, but it was not there. The guys had been a distraction so that one of their friends could steal my car! I was seventeen or so, in the worst part of a dangerous city, staring the guys in the face that had just stolen my car. Was I scared? Hmmmm...well, YES! I tried to get back on the phone to call the police, but the guys weren't letting me. They followed me into the store, where the clerk wouldn't even call the police. I was forced to start walking. I was so frightened, but I didn't show it. I was acting defiant, and angry, trying to show them that they couldn't get under my skin. Stupid, really. I was walking toward the state line with this van full of guys who had just stolen my car riding beside me. No one would have known if they would have grabbed me and put me into their van. I would not be where I am today. I would be on a missing persons poster, or in a grave somewhere. Obviously, there are bigger plans for my life. Then there was a time, once more, in a worse part of Memphis, out late, wasted, and looking for my next fix. I stopped at a convenience store for a drink, and an SUV stops on my way out. One person in the vehicle wants my phone number. No, I politely say, not interested, right? I begin heading to my car and I hear something I have only ever heard in movies. It is the sound of a gun being cocked. As I look back, the driver is pointing a pistol at me. I run to my car, and with shaking hands, I manage to unlock the door and jump in. Sitting there, crying , I cannot leave the parking lot. The SUV had pulled behind me, blocked me in, and the people inside are yelling at me and waving the gun. I just closed my eyes, and as the tears streamed down my face, I waited to be shot. I didn't know how to pray. After what seemed like the longest minutes of my life, they slowly drove away. Needless to say, I got out of town that night, and quick! One more example of my stupidity, and God's divine intervention, and then that will be all. I had been drinking one night, a lot. So much that I was just in a daze...a fog. I get behind the wheel of my car and go for a joyride, I guess. I don't really know. All I can remember was that I was at a red light. Guess where? Yup, a terrible part of town. That's where all the drugs were. Remember, an open book, warts and all! So, there I sit, at the red light, and all the sudden there is a woman at my car window, with a club in her hands( the kind you used to lock your steering wheels with). She is screaming at me . I come out of my drunken fog to realize that I have almost hit her car, with her three children inside of it. According to her, I was speeding, and swerving all over the road. Without warning, she hits me in the face with that club, knocking me out cold. I wake up to my passenger shaking me and telling me to go, the light is green, and to hurry before the police come. I go, and spend the rest of the night in shock. Three of my front teeth were broken. What was I going to tell my mother? All of these stories to show you that Love covers a multitude of sins. No matter where I was or what I kind of trouble I was causing, God was with me, protecting his precious child. He was chasing after me, trying to show me that He held my world in His hands. I spent so much time in situations similar to these, that I had no chance of seeing Him. I needed to be at the bottom in order for Him to pull me out of that pit. Pull me out He did, and now I want everyone reading this to know, that if you find yourself with a sinful past, or in a sinful present, Without the Lord, you with most certainly have a sinful future. The Bible says, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life, through Jesus Christ our Lord. God wants you to trust and believe that He gave his only Son for our redemption from sin. Now I know, with an assurance, that I have a home in heaven. This is in spite of my past, and also in spite of my present. Do I still sin? Of course. EVERYDAY! I still struggle with sin, but now, I don't sit in guilt and continue in my sin. I confess it to my forgiving father, and I move on. It is the way of the christian life. I am a Christian now, and I am not perfect. No one is. I am saved, however, and it is a gift I cherish every day. Thank you Lord, for saving me from myself.