I have not yet seen the righteous forsaken....

Fast forward. It is now the just over thirteen years after I gave my life to Him that day. The life that I have now is not what any girl in this great country sits and dreams about as her fairy tale. Some people reading this post may take this to be me complaining and not content. This is just not the case. I am going to be an open book. There is no way I can compel others to Christ if I try to be something or someone that I am not. So, here goes.... I am now a mother of four. I am still married to the same man, and life has been a constant financial struggle for us. I am by definition a stay at home mom, however, I have occasionally had to work to make ends meet. When we married, there was not much future planning involved, we were not educated in anything except surviving in the streets, and after one year of marriage, the children began to come, 1, 2, 3, and 4. Two boys and two girls ages 3 to 12. This is a daunting task, especially considering the meager living we manage to squeak out. An unfortunate result of being uneducated, for a man to make any money, he has to break his back everyday to provide. It is that fact that prompts me to respect my husband in a profound way. He has given his sweat and blood for us sometimes working many hours overtime to provide us a home, clothes, and transportation. Just for full disclosure, we raise our children on less than $30,000 a year. This is the life we live now. All of this is to show that God is good! He is always on time for us, and we are never in any real lack. Our children are not caught up with material goods, although I know that they want these things, they are very understanding when we tell them that we are sorry. This is just not the family that we are. They sometimes wonder why they can't ride in new cars, (ours is nearly 22 years old), or why they don't get new clothes, (I'm not sure how they would react if taken to a mall), or why eating at a restaurant without a dollar menu is completely off the radar(to sit and be served is about a twice a year treat for us). Haircuts are performed at home, and only the very basics of everything else is provided for them. This is not a source of happiness in my life, however. I want my children to have everything that they desire. It is very painful for me to say no to them, sometimes a source of sorrow. This situation we find ourselves in are consequences of our own actions and choices. If this is the result of my past corrupt and foul living, I accept it. As I said before, I want to be an open book. It is refreshing to be honest about who I am. I am not ashamed. I am a child of the King, and He provides for us in ways that are quite amazing. I am actually grateful that we have been spared the shackles of always wanting the next new gadget, the next new car, or the latest fashions. Most of the time we tithe to our local church, although this is a struggle for us to be super faithful, we give on a regular basis, and with joy. To give out of sacrifice and not abundance is a blessing. It makes us all grateful for what we have, and not complaining about what we don't. All this financial talk.... it's one of the main sources of my stress. I still wonder how, and when the provisions will come, but come they do. It has caused me to depend on the Lord for my everything in my life, relying on His time and not my own. I still believe that we are in the wilderness of our christian life, having not entered the promised land. God has more for us. He is strengthening us through these times of struggle, and causing us to look for His hand to provide, and not man's. We do what we can, and if we can't, we don't. In all, our family now is happy, healthy, and content. We may not be able to keep up with the Jones', but we have abundant treasures stored up in heaven. This will last for eternity. So this is where I am now. I am under extreme pressure, and I have been for years. I know, with a certainty, that God is using these circumstances to mature me, and to prepare me for what He has planned for my future. So I will press on to the mark, no matter what obstacles I may face, I still have the promise of my salvation, and the everlasting peace of knowing that I have eternity to look forward to in the presence of the God who has been so faithful.