...a vessel of honor...

Using this blog to record some of the most painful events of my past has been liberating to me. I have shared triumphs and regrets. I have shared rewards and loss. I have done this so that you can see that a person means more to God than their past actions. God is looking for people He can mold and shape into something usable. I used to believe that God would never be able to give me peace and joy. I was the most wretched person I knew. I always saw the best in everyone else and the worst in myself. That God can take me and change my heart of stone into a heart of flesh is a miracle. For some of my life I was thought of as the good girl, who never got into any trouble, and who had a kind and loving heart. I played the part well. However, I knew my heart and the wickedness that lay within. This is something I have come to realize....Lost people are helpless because they want to be something more than they are. They feel self condemnation at the way their lives are being played out in front of them. We all long for something greater than ourselves. It is human nature. It is a God given desire, and only He can fill that void. He can change the trajectory of your life, and make it into something you never even dreamed of. To some, my life may seem simple and mundane. In ways it is. Housework, homework, and feeding my family dominate much of my life. These are things that God is using to discipline me. It is making me stronger. My family, service to others, being a role model...these things are treasures that the God of heaven has trusted me with on this earth. These things make everything mundane about my life something special. Today, I encourage you to look to God for all your answers. Look to Him to fulfill your deepest needs. He will not disappoint you. He will not condemn you. He loves you, and He wants to use you...right where you are.

honor to whom honor is due....

Last night, my wonderful husband and I polished ourselves up, and went to a Gala in honor of all who serve at our local church. It was amazing! We were in formal wear, and were very grateful for the opportunity to do so. It is not often that I feel like myself again, but last night was one of those times. At my church I find a joy flowing like nowhere else. There I find acceptance and an equal footing. We are all His in that place, and that makes it home for me. I was so impressed by the number of people that make up the ministry at Cornerstone. We are all so different, but we work together to further His kingdom. This will be a short post, but I just want to say that last night was a confirmation to me that we are on the right track. Souls are being saved, lives are being changed, and ,honestly, that's what I live to see. Thank you to all who serve in any capacity, at any place. It is noticed by me and countless others. We are all working towards that 'Moment' when we stand before God. I am looking forward to it. To see His face, to worship at His feet, to finally meet my awesome Creator....what a day that will be!

beauty for ashes...

In order for me to be truly grateful this holiday season, I must reflect back onto my past. The time in my life when I was so ignorant of the laws of God. It was a time where I lost the respect of everyone around me, and nothing was farther from my thoughts than my Creator. The life I was living was for sinful pleasure, and was only in the interest of myself. To be truly grateful this time of year, I remember a winter. This particular time in my life is a blur. Details are hard to come by. I was a trophy of my enemy, and he nearly destroyed me then. One night I missed curfew, so I just didn't go home. This was the last of many times before. When I did decide to show up, my bags were packed and sitting in the driveway. I was 17. My mother and my step-father were so fed up, they didn't want me in their lives anymore. I walked that morning, cold, and confused. I found myself at a friend's house, but was turned away. I spent that winter in a stranger's apartment. It was really just an attic rented out of an old woman's home. I had to walk to work(about 8 miles), and it seemed to me that I had been abandoned. Little did I know that the God who spoke me into existence was preparing me for a future of hope. I went from a broken and addicted youth with no hope for the future, to being a wife of one, mother of four, and a child of the Most High God. If you find yourself today feeling abandoned, or without hope, I encourage you to seek out the God who created you. He sent His son to die for the sins that a re plaguing you. It is not His will for you that you live with guilt and condemnation. He desires for you to trust Him. He will forgive you of your sins, and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. This holiday season, I am so grateful for the gift of a fresh start.HE gave me a new beginning, and He wants the same for you. I was a worm of a sinner. I lived in condemnation and guilt for too long. He has cleaned me up, and turned my life into something capable of giving Him glory. This is the sparkling treasure I speak of...the new life He has given me. He has turned my ashes into beauty.

Forgive, and you shall be forgiven....

Forgiveness is something I still struggle with. It is something I have not been able to master in my christian life. It is so intangible. You can't see it when it is extended, and offenses are often more real. I am plagued with the idea that I haven't forgiven some transgressions in my past. I know I am forgiven by a God that loves me and sent His son to die for all my sins. This is not hard for me to accept. It is hard, however, to extend the same forgiveness to those who have wronged me. I am not talking about hurt feelings, or anything trivial like that. The forgiveness I am trying to achieve is for deep, and traumatic wounds. They are fresh everyday, and are very hard to get over. I tell myself and the Lord over and over that I have forgiven, but the pain and anger still linger. I know I am not alone in this struggle, and that is why I am sharing this. Forgiving someone is a very hard thing to do, but my God has forgiven me of much more than I am holding grudges for. We have to be open to forgive things that are unpleasant. This does not mean, however that we go on like nothing ever happened. Sometimes it is appropriate to maintain distance from the offender in order to protect yourself from being hurt in the future. This is something to be prayed about, and it requires much thought about the situation. If you find yourself struggling today, as I am, I encourage you to go to the Master of Forgiveness. Only He can free us from the bonds of an unforgiving heart. Let Him work on your situation. We might find some forgiveness in the process.

enter His gates with thanksgiving...

This is the month to be thankful. Gratitude is something that can be expressed easily, and often. I want to take some time to be grateful this morning. First of all I am grateful for my life and my salvation. God has changed me so much. I was once a rebellious, broken, lost girl. I had no regard for others, and I only sought to satisfy my own desires. My gratitude is for the way He revealed Himself to me, showing me that real happiness is found in Him. Caring for others and serving in His kingdom brings me more happiness than I could have ever hoped for. Second only to the Lord, I am grateful for my family. I have married a man who is fiercely loyal to his children and I. He is my strength. When I feel like I can't go on, He carries me. He is the priest of our home, and holds us all accountable for choices we make. He is a very valuable presence in my life. My children are so precious, and they are also very strong. I am amazed at the wisdom that comes from them. In my wildest dreams, I could never ask for a more unified family. Another thing I am very thankful for is my church, and the friends I have found there. When times are hard, someone is there to relieve the stress. I have found in my church a place I can serve and make a difference. As a preschool teacher, the children bless my heart so much. On Sunday mornings, I leave the church different from when I walked in thanks to those precious children. I am thankful for so many other things...my country, the military, my parents and siblings, the list could go on and on. This month I encourage you to show your gratitude to the people in your life. Sometimes it just feels good to know that people don't take you for granted. I commit to be thankful always, not just in the holiday season.

...confess with your mouth, and believe in your heart...

When I accepted the free gift of salvation from my Lord, I was so relieved. Now there was an assurance of eternity. Where I had led a life of selfishness and destruction, I finally had the power to overcome my sin. Through trusting in the God who created the world, I found a new purpose. Before I was saved from myself, I didn't know what freedom was. Now, fourteen years later, I can start my days with a clean slate. There is no more guilt over the night before, no more condemnation for my thoughts and actions. My thoughts now have changed direction. My actions are intentionally helpful to others. The Lord has truly changed who I am, how I think, and what I do. As I read and study the Word, He always reveals new things to me that are relevant to my current situations. He guides my life in miraculous ways. When I put my trust in Him, He handles every situation. He's never late when I need His help, and He always cares enough to answer me. I was such a worthless person before He saved me. My heart was black with hurt and hate. The Lord picked me up from my pitiful state, washed me, wiped away my tears, and clothed me in the righteousness of Christ. To the world, I am of low stature, but He says I am a princess...a child of the most high God. I look forward to the day I can see His face and worship Him. Are you sure of your salvation today? If not, you can be. God wants you to trust Him with your life. He can use you in ways you can never imagine. You are so valuable to Him that He sent His only son to be the sacrifice for your sins. Jesus Christ was sent from heaven to live a sinless life on this earth. He was sent to die a terrible death on the cross. He did this willingly so we can share eternity with a holy God. His blood was shed for your sins and mine. To accept his sacrifice is to accept the gift of salvation. It is free for all who believe. He didn't stay in the grave. He defeated death and rose again on the third day. It is the power that raised Him from the dead that can dwell in you if you accept Him. This power is overcoming power. It will enable you to defeat the sin in your life that is keeping you in bondage. Freedom is so refreshing. Won't you let Him set you free today?

Our Father, who art in heaven......

Fatherless. This was how much of my early teen life was spent. At the age of around thirteen, my mother had enough of my father's drinking. He was out of control at this point. He couldn't hold down a job, and when he did work, he selfishly used all of his money to fuel his habit. It was a thirst that couldn't be quenched, even in the face of losing his family. On my brother's birthday that year, my mother was at work, and my brother had some friends over for a sleepover. I remember this clearly because my father left us alone that night. There was a house full of children, unsupervised. This did not go over well with my mom. She gave him the ultimatum...no more drinking, or no more family. He chose the latter. Fatherless. I don't use this term lightly. Everyone has a father, right? From that point on, my father basically disappeared. We would only hear from him on random occasions, and then it was only for him tell us about what a hard time he was having. He chose, instead of holding down a job to support us, to live on the streets, homeless and drunk. Yes, I was fatherless. He missed every birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving.....and on, and on, and on. Every time he did call, he acted as though we were supposed to feel sorry for him. He had such a hard life. Fatherless. What could motivate a man to abandon his three kids and his wife? This was something that plagued us as children. My mom had to do all of the supporting, and he didn't send any money, ever. He wouldn't work, and if he did he got paid cash to avoid his check being garnished. I couldn't understand what we had done to him that he didn't love us anymore. Still, as children, we stuck up for him when my mother was angry, we agreed to meet with him when he was 'passing through' on his homeless journeys, and we continued to honor him and love him as if he were not in the wrong in the least bit. It was a game he played with us. If we felt sorry for him, we didn't have time to feel sorry for the situation he had left us in. Fatherless. Maybe you have found yourself in a similar situation, or have felt abandoned in some way...discarded. You are valuable to God. He wants to be your Father. He wants you to share your heart with him. He will be your support when men fail you. He will guide you through the difficult decisions in life. Sometimes the only place we have to run to is His side. He will never leave you or forsake you. He is the Father you can trust. With Him you will never be fatherless.