beauty for ashes...

In order for me to be truly grateful this holiday season, I must reflect back onto my past. The time in my life when I was so ignorant of the laws of God. It was a time where I lost the respect of everyone around me, and nothing was farther from my thoughts than my Creator. The life I was living was for sinful pleasure, and was only in the interest of myself. To be truly grateful this time of year, I remember a winter. This particular time in my life is a blur. Details are hard to come by. I was a trophy of my enemy, and he nearly destroyed me then. One night I missed curfew, so I just didn't go home. This was the last of many times before. When I did decide to show up, my bags were packed and sitting in the driveway. I was 17. My mother and my step-father were so fed up, they didn't want me in their lives anymore. I walked that morning, cold, and confused. I found myself at a friend's house, but was turned away. I spent that winter in a stranger's apartment. It was really just an attic rented out of an old woman's home. I had to walk to work(about 8 miles), and it seemed to me that I had been abandoned. Little did I know that the God who spoke me into existence was preparing me for a future of hope. I went from a broken and addicted youth with no hope for the future, to being a wife of one, mother of four, and a child of the Most High God. If you find yourself today feeling abandoned, or without hope, I encourage you to seek out the God who created you. He sent His son to die for the sins that a re plaguing you. It is not His will for you that you live with guilt and condemnation. He desires for you to trust Him. He will forgive you of your sins, and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. This holiday season, I am so grateful for the gift of a fresh start.HE gave me a new beginning, and He wants the same for you. I was a worm of a sinner. I lived in condemnation and guilt for too long. He has cleaned me up, and turned my life into something capable of giving Him glory. This is the sparkling treasure I speak of...the new life He has given me. He has turned my ashes into beauty.

Forgive, and you shall be forgiven....

Forgiveness is something I still struggle with. It is something I have not been able to master in my christian life. It is so intangible. You can't see it when it is extended, and offenses are often more real. I am plagued with the idea that I haven't forgiven some transgressions in my past. I know I am forgiven by a God that loves me and sent His son to die for all my sins. This is not hard for me to accept. It is hard, however, to extend the same forgiveness to those who have wronged me. I am not talking about hurt feelings, or anything trivial like that. The forgiveness I am trying to achieve is for deep, and traumatic wounds. They are fresh everyday, and are very hard to get over. I tell myself and the Lord over and over that I have forgiven, but the pain and anger still linger. I know I am not alone in this struggle, and that is why I am sharing this. Forgiving someone is a very hard thing to do, but my God has forgiven me of much more than I am holding grudges for. We have to be open to forgive things that are unpleasant. This does not mean, however that we go on like nothing ever happened. Sometimes it is appropriate to maintain distance from the offender in order to protect yourself from being hurt in the future. This is something to be prayed about, and it requires much thought about the situation. If you find yourself struggling today, as I am, I encourage you to go to the Master of Forgiveness. Only He can free us from the bonds of an unforgiving heart. Let Him work on your situation. We might find some forgiveness in the process.

enter His gates with thanksgiving...

This is the month to be thankful. Gratitude is something that can be expressed easily, and often. I want to take some time to be grateful this morning. First of all I am grateful for my life and my salvation. God has changed me so much. I was once a rebellious, broken, lost girl. I had no regard for others, and I only sought to satisfy my own desires. My gratitude is for the way He revealed Himself to me, showing me that real happiness is found in Him. Caring for others and serving in His kingdom brings me more happiness than I could have ever hoped for. Second only to the Lord, I am grateful for my family. I have married a man who is fiercely loyal to his children and I. He is my strength. When I feel like I can't go on, He carries me. He is the priest of our home, and holds us all accountable for choices we make. He is a very valuable presence in my life. My children are so precious, and they are also very strong. I am amazed at the wisdom that comes from them. In my wildest dreams, I could never ask for a more unified family. Another thing I am very thankful for is my church, and the friends I have found there. When times are hard, someone is there to relieve the stress. I have found in my church a place I can serve and make a difference. As a preschool teacher, the children bless my heart so much. On Sunday mornings, I leave the church different from when I walked in thanks to those precious children. I am thankful for so many other things...my country, the military, my parents and siblings, the list could go on and on. This month I encourage you to show your gratitude to the people in your life. Sometimes it just feels good to know that people don't take you for granted. I commit to be thankful always, not just in the holiday season.

...confess with your mouth, and believe in your heart...

When I accepted the free gift of salvation from my Lord, I was so relieved. Now there was an assurance of eternity. Where I had led a life of selfishness and destruction, I finally had the power to overcome my sin. Through trusting in the God who created the world, I found a new purpose. Before I was saved from myself, I didn't know what freedom was. Now, fourteen years later, I can start my days with a clean slate. There is no more guilt over the night before, no more condemnation for my thoughts and actions. My thoughts now have changed direction. My actions are intentionally helpful to others. The Lord has truly changed who I am, how I think, and what I do. As I read and study the Word, He always reveals new things to me that are relevant to my current situations. He guides my life in miraculous ways. When I put my trust in Him, He handles every situation. He's never late when I need His help, and He always cares enough to answer me. I was such a worthless person before He saved me. My heart was black with hurt and hate. The Lord picked me up from my pitiful state, washed me, wiped away my tears, and clothed me in the righteousness of Christ. To the world, I am of low stature, but He says I am a princess...a child of the most high God. I look forward to the day I can see His face and worship Him. Are you sure of your salvation today? If not, you can be. God wants you to trust Him with your life. He can use you in ways you can never imagine. You are so valuable to Him that He sent His only son to be the sacrifice for your sins. Jesus Christ was sent from heaven to live a sinless life on this earth. He was sent to die a terrible death on the cross. He did this willingly so we can share eternity with a holy God. His blood was shed for your sins and mine. To accept his sacrifice is to accept the gift of salvation. It is free for all who believe. He didn't stay in the grave. He defeated death and rose again on the third day. It is the power that raised Him from the dead that can dwell in you if you accept Him. This power is overcoming power. It will enable you to defeat the sin in your life that is keeping you in bondage. Freedom is so refreshing. Won't you let Him set you free today?

Our Father, who art in heaven......

Fatherless. This was how much of my early teen life was spent. At the age of around thirteen, my mother had enough of my father's drinking. He was out of control at this point. He couldn't hold down a job, and when he did work, he selfishly used all of his money to fuel his habit. It was a thirst that couldn't be quenched, even in the face of losing his family. On my brother's birthday that year, my mother was at work, and my brother had some friends over for a sleepover. I remember this clearly because my father left us alone that night. There was a house full of children, unsupervised. This did not go over well with my mom. She gave him the ultimatum...no more drinking, or no more family. He chose the latter. Fatherless. I don't use this term lightly. Everyone has a father, right? From that point on, my father basically disappeared. We would only hear from him on random occasions, and then it was only for him tell us about what a hard time he was having. He chose, instead of holding down a job to support us, to live on the streets, homeless and drunk. Yes, I was fatherless. He missed every birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving.....and on, and on, and on. Every time he did call, he acted as though we were supposed to feel sorry for him. He had such a hard life. Fatherless. What could motivate a man to abandon his three kids and his wife? This was something that plagued us as children. My mom had to do all of the supporting, and he didn't send any money, ever. He wouldn't work, and if he did he got paid cash to avoid his check being garnished. I couldn't understand what we had done to him that he didn't love us anymore. Still, as children, we stuck up for him when my mother was angry, we agreed to meet with him when he was 'passing through' on his homeless journeys, and we continued to honor him and love him as if he were not in the wrong in the least bit. It was a game he played with us. If we felt sorry for him, we didn't have time to feel sorry for the situation he had left us in. Fatherless. Maybe you have found yourself in a similar situation, or have felt abandoned in some way...discarded. You are valuable to God. He wants to be your Father. He wants you to share your heart with him. He will be your support when men fail you. He will guide you through the difficult decisions in life. Sometimes the only place we have to run to is His side. He will never leave you or forsake you. He is the Father you can trust. With Him you will never be fatherless.

Do unto others...

I remember the day I met him. It was the first week of the second grade. He was a new student. As he entered the class I remember thinking that he was a cutie-pie, and I was going to be his friend. Our teacher introduced him, and for the sake of respect, I will use just his first name, Chris. I liked his name. I'm sure of this memory, because the teacher then asked him to spell his last name. It was a difficult, long name. He said then that he didn't know how to spell it. I remember then a sound that came to be familiar when Chris was around. It came from a majority of the class, and it was a mocking laughter. This first day set the stage for Chris' experience on this earth. He was a very nice person. Over the yesrs, I got to know Chris. We were both in the gifted program at our school. He was in Art, and I was in Spotlight. Our classes worked very closely, sometimes on the same projects. We went on school trips together, and got to know one another. I am ashamed to say that I kept Chris at a distance. It seemed like everyone made fun of him, and if you were playing with him, or talking to him, you were targeted too. I really couldn't understand it. He didn't dress different, talk weird, or smell bad. He was exactly like the rest of us, but on his first day, he couldn't spell his last name. In the sixth grade, the gifted class went to a cave. This was the most fascinating, frightening, and fun trip I ever went on. I have yet to rival it in my 30 something years! We were pulling into the driveway of the school, and our gifted teacher was waiting outside her van for us to arrive. She had been crying. As we gathered outside the bus, she began to tell us of a phone call she had received. It was about Chris, and it was bad news. It wasn't until she said his name that I realized he had not attended the trip with us. That night, while all of us were having a blast, unaware of the torment he was enduring inside, Chris took his life. His family found him hanging by a chain in his home. Sixth grade!! My daughter is in the sixth grade! We were shocked as the loss began to sink in. I was extremely ashamed of myself in that I didn't stick up for him, or show him more that I cared about him, or even acted like his friend. We were all guilty. Guilty of making his life so miserable that he could find nothing worth living for. Still to this day, I visit his grave when I can, crying like it was the day I learned he was gone. He was a talented artist, and a good person. He was kind and meek. He would have been a good dad, I think. The lesson I learned from this experienced was that I shouldn't judge anyone or degrade people. God loves everyone equally. There is not a popular crowd in the kingdom, and we would all do well to remember that. If you feel inadequate, or left out, I can relate, but that is not always a reason to isolate yourself. If you feel unwanted or unloved by everyone around you, know that you have a friend that sticks closer than a brother. Jesus shed His blood for you, so that you could spend an eternity with Him. He desires to have a personal relationship with you. Won't you trust Him with your life today? He will never leave you or forsake you. If you have burdens, He will lift them off and give you freedom and peace. He is waiting for you to invite Him into your life, and give him all your troubles and emotions. He can heal your broken heart, and give you a new life. Won't you let Him heal all your wounds this life has dealt you? He has healed mine, and I am sure He can heal yours too.

...trials by fire....

That particular morning, I was thirteen years old. It was early, and a Saturday. There was no school, and I was watching cartoons with my little sister. We were eating cinnamon toast, it was burned, but it was all I knew how to cook. The rest of the family was asleep. Out of nowhere, the kitchen door busted open, and a strange man came charging in. He was screaming, "FIRE! FIRE! GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!" In our pajamas, my sister and I run out of the house to his shouts, "GO NEXT DOOR...CALL 911!" I ran to my next door neighbors house and was banging on the door, I turned around, looked up, and saw smoke billowing from the attic vent on the side of the house. I could smell the acrid smoke, and feel it choking me. I heard a soft roaring coming from the house. We all ran across the street. I was met there by my mother, my step-dad, my sister, and my....wait....where was my brother? My mom was screaming for him, and as I turned to look, he was running back to the house. He came out with our dog, a small chihuahua named Baby. We were all safe and sound, and the fire department was on it's way. That was the easy part...getting out. The hard part was standing there with our friends and neighbors watching our memories go up in flames. My mom crumpled to her knees. She was weeping over all her pictures, her baby clothes, and all the things she had collected over the years. The three of us stood behind her in shock, wondering why this was happening. My brother had only some shorts on, none of us had any shoes. My mom was still in her nightgown. We watched as the flames began to come through the roof, and climb into the sky. Where were the fire trucks? We lived less than a mile from the station. It couldn't have been more than ten minutes that we waited, but it seemed like an eternity. During those minutes I was trying to think if there was anything in there that I wanted to cry and weep like mom about. I thought of my room, and I thought of my clothes. They were all hand-me-downs. Then, I realized that in my room, were my brand new pom-poms, and my dance team uniform. I FREAKED OUT! Do you know how many candy bars we had to sell just to afford those things? Looking at my house burning, suddenly, that's all I could think about. So silly looking back, now, I mean we were all safe, and things worked out fine. In those moments, however, I was selfishly thinking only how I was going to be effected, and not comforting my mom. The fire trucks came, put out the fire, and soaked the whole house with water. What wasn't burned was destroyed with water or smoke damage. It was a total loss. My mom had, in her wisdom, maintained home owners insurance. This allowed us to rebuild in the next few months, and to make it through until then. Have you ever felt like you had lost everything? It is a desperate and hard situation to be in. Today I want to say that God is longing to help you through your loss. All you have to do is call out to Him. He is patiently waiting for you to invite Him into the situation. He will restore you, and rebuild you, and it will stand for eternity. Our God uses our trials like fire. They burn off the things that we don't need, and with all that is left, He rebuilds us. This time, however, we have been tried, and purified by the fire of our trials. If there is one lesson I learned from the fire that day, it is that you can start over. With God, all things are possible...you can rebuild.